constant headache
it’s hard not to feel ugly when everyone around you looks so much prettier and magazines and everything else media based say people who look perfect in my eyes are too fat, how does that make someone who knows they aren’t skinny feel. People talk about how they are happy with their curves and forget about stuff that might be said to them, but i’m sure deep down its really not that easy.
I have like zero motivation, but I want to look prettier. I want to feel comfy in myself. I have an amazing boyfriend who tells me i’m beautiful but what good does that do when i don’t feel it myself? I love the fact he loves me for me, but I hate constantly thinking that other people are looking at me like I’m rank, or what I’m wearing isn’t good enough. I’m fed up of bitchy ness and I know deep down I can be a bitch I’m pretty sure every girl can. But you see stuff on the internet of people complaining about argument’s and stuff. If they don’t want to be involved with that crap then don’t socialize with people who are just gonna give you shit.
I find it hard to see how someone can lie to you or talk about you when you are mean’t to be there best friend. Sure every one talks about each other but the things I would say I would say to someone’s face. The thing that annoys me most is actually when someone lies, I find out and 100% know they are lying, confront them and they still spit out lies. They would make it so much easier for them selves if they didn’t do it. Then to find out they have said something to someone else about me behind my back. oh and then to make something up that someone else apparently said and tell me a complete load of bull shit.
Also I am fed up of people who make me look like mugs. Don’t say stuff to me and then change it all around. friends don’t do that. It hurts having people lie to you and carry on doing it. Its frustrating and in the end its the little things that end up annoying me and I can’t do anything other than block these people out. I can’t deal with being lied too and little things just juggle together to create a distance that I can’t end up getting past because of all these things that have built up.
I know that if I had something wrong I could run more than a few people, however I only have around three people who I honestly trust with my life. except family.
I think I’m most scared of losing my boyfriend just because he is the most genuine trust worthy amazing caring lovable gorgeous loving sweetest guy in the world, I could go on but it comes down to the fact I don’t want to lose him because he’s someone who actually loves me for me, its like he understands me, he cares about me and doesn’t give me loads of bull shit. Yeah every ones gonna argue and I can be a stubborn tit. but hell he is one amazing boy. He has made me realize what its like to have someone who you can rely on and when I’m with him its like nothing else matters and nothing else in the world exists. its perfect. I trust him with my life and meeting Thomas was the best thing thats happened to me.
I just wish some people would realize that lying hurts. It’s also making me put up a barrier because you can’t expect me to be fine when you keep giving me bull shit. Its too much like other times of my life where I thought people would never lie to me did.
